Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Ball Clacking Factor

With ole man winter rearing his ugly head and sending bone chilling, mind numbing, icy, deep snow to at least the Midwest where I reside, there is a certain condition that running men should be aware of: the BCF ( Ball Clacking Factor).

That's right: Ball Clacking Factor. Don't pretend like its not something that hasn't crossed your mind before. As the temperature dips, and you consider layering choices, your first thoughts immediately turn to the important parts: head, hands, and the twigs and berries, or the boys. Yup, you gotta make sure they are adequately protected because if any or all of them get frost bitten or worse, you my friend are in a world of hurt. And by hurt more than the average drop kick to the sack pain.

In order to gauge the extreme level of danger you may be in relation to the BCF, I offer up a few levels of discomfort for you to consider.

Level 1 - its cold out, but not that cold. You may experience minimal shrinkage at the thought of heading out.

Level 2 - as your running your thinking "is it chafing or are the boys trying to tell me something? as they snuggle together for warmth.

Level 3 - Its like some one finger flicked the top of your twig. Sounds mildly discomforting doesn't it? Yup, the first twinges of hypothermia may be setting in. Hope there is a tailwind on the way home to minimize damage.

Level 4 - basically at this level, one nad has crawled up looking for somewhere one to burrow into. Ever consider windproof briefs?

Level 5 - this is what Goose would refer to as the "Danger Zone". If you weren't already sterile you just might be after this run. The boys have headed for higher ground and a hot shower to reinvigorate and have them drop is not enough.

This has been a Public Service Announcement in the hopes that you do not suffer from the BCF this winter. Stay warm my friends, stay warm.


Unknown said...

DD - I got to level 3.5 once on a cold winter run and learned a mildly painful lesson. After a hot shower and some recovery time, I quickly headed out to my friendly neighborhood running specialty store to purchase some wind briefs. For the climate we live in, it's an excellent investment. Great post!

Wazzup said...

Windproof tights FTW !

chris mcpeake said...

You definitely want to avoid frosty balls...

Neil Richard said...

I must be crazy, suicidal, or both. Anything below 40F and my twigs and berries head for the hills. Today's run was about 25F (or worse with windchill) and it was just underwear and pants down there. Granted I was thinking about stuffing a sock down there to look impressive with the ladies but the cold wasn't painful. And once I was inside and showering under some hot water, everything came out from shell just fine. Maybe wearing a sock Chili Peppers style would help.

jt00ct said...

I have the answer to your potential problem. Gotta chilly willy? Check this out!